Intimacy I wanna know you Jesus intamitaly
You are my refuge
I want intimicay
Apart from you I have nothing good.

Intimacy is something we crave. Im not talking about sex here. I am talking about our desire to be relational, to be close with people. We were created this way. God gave us this desire so that we could join together and be in this life together. So why do I feel so bad about this desire of mine? Why cant I have this desire met by a few surface level friendships? Why cant I just get that guy to love me and we can grow old together and love the Lord together! My priorities are all screwed up thats why!!! I know its a horrible sin to flirt with. But recently through a friend speakin truth into my life just by sharing some hard stuff that shes been dealing with has openned my eyes! A girl who I like, but never really have been close with confided in me about a similar issue going on in her own relationship. Talk about God using other people! We both were able to share and relate to each other in a way I never imagined possible. Its amazing how much being open, real, scared, vulnerable with others can bring God honor.
So with that being said please if anyone even reads this pray for me. Pray that I can let God have the dersires of my heart ... ALL of them! And just trust Him with the results. With God on my side I KNOW that nothing is impossible!!! NOTHING!
As its starting to hit me that I will be graduating soon, all the fear is coming at me. God tell us not to fear, He has a plan. Its just really really scary for me to have no clue where He is taking me. I know its gonna be amazing and that I just have to be patient and let Him be Lord. I admit I have failed here, and continue to everyday, and am now just really living in defeat right now. I am afraid I will be a dissapointment to my parents with my job, Im afraid I will never find a man to love me, afriad I will never get to have my very own babies, afraid I will miss Gods calling for me, afraid I am all alone, afraid!!!
Thats alot of fear and until you just put it out there you dont realize how much that fear affects your life to the very core! This blog seemed to have detoured from what I was gonna talk about. Hmmm... Im sure there was a reason this all came out instead. I trust that God is right here with me and knows who (if anyone) reads this and maybe this is something you needed to hear, to know you aren't alone. So I am sorry this blog didnt really flow, but that cool. It feels nice to have those things off my chest.
But now i am getting really sleppy, I thinks its all the meds Im taking. Anyways, me and my horrile cough and uvulitis are going to bed!!!