Let me count the ways...
We talked at church this week about how the spirit affects us as opposed to living in the flesh and being owned by the flesh. One of the big points that really hit me is that the Spirit brings life and peace and the flesh fuels anxiety and worry,
So I was at Bunco a couple weeks ago and a lady who's been in my classroom as a special ed assistant and really gets to see me do my thing told me that I was like chicken little. She let me know that I always think the sky is falling, that i am not doing something good enough when in reality I really am. In my mind I'm smart enough to know that this is just another place where Satan has control over me. It really had me thinking the last 2 weeks ... is this really how people perceive me? And am I really that much of a worrier? Do I come across as negative? Do I really think I can't handle things? Do I really think I'm that crappy of a teacher?
I have a friend Tabitha who has been brought to tears more than once over the way that I view myself. I really am such a surface-level person that when I really do open up to people it's hard and quite honestly it sucks. I'm great at trying to help other people trying to take care of other people but I never afford myself that same luxury.
Why do I give the flesh has so much control of me? I truly believe that I am saved, that I am a Christian. I got baptized in college at a time where I really and truly felt God's presence in my life. I was surrounded by people who were like-minded and who had the same goals as me. It's so hard now because I know that the Bible says once your saved your saved but man it's really hard when you feel like you're so distant from God. that's so hard when I struggle to hear God's voice and understand why I had to lose my mom, As I deal with being a 35 year-old woman who's never been married and doesn't have kids, as I feel so inferior to those around me.