Can't Breathe

I feel like I’m suffocating here in this place.
I’m falling farther and farther behind in the race.
When I think about who I’ve become,
I just feel sick and my body goes numb.
Angry and emotional; controlled by my stress,
Just trying to survive while my life becomes an ugly mess.
Living in defeat almost every single day.
I have lost myself somewhere along the way.
I look in the mirror and have to close my eyes.
The person staring back is only a disguise.
I want to be me, but I’m so stinking scared.
Will God still love me, is He really prepared?
The King is enthralled by my beauty, according to God’s word.
He really loves me; I find it so absurd.
How can He love someone as unworthy as me?
I try so hard, but the ends never meet.
I’m a messed up girl in this terrible, fallen world.
Yet God still loves me, like His own little girl!

So Im a big fat jerk! I have let myself get deeper and deeper into the stress of life. I have allowed myself to focus on all I have to do and completely turned into a crab. I totally snapped at my Mom tonight about something dumb. We had a miscommunication and I reacted horribly! I got in my car and just bawled my eyes out. I didnt realize how tense I was. One little thing set me off. What has my life come to? Am I really the kind of woman who "reacts"? I dont like who I have become the last few weeks. I dont like the thoughts that come into my mind. I hate the defeat I feel almost daily! I mean really what is wrong with me?!? I cant even deal with the stress and overwhelming feelings. I am in need of prayers. I am in need of grace, in need of love, in need of mercy raining down from high above. In need of a Savior! I need to turn things around! Stop putting all my trust and hopes in myself and as Butch would say "put all my eggs in the Jesus basket"! I cant let my emotions control me! I can't react because I want to or someone provoked me! Its not who He is and it cant be who I am! Anyways, just needed to get this off my chest.