I have such a heart for children. But up until recently, Friday night at the LHBC College Retreat actually, I realized I sometimes use kids as a cover up. When there are lots of people I can almost guarantee you that I will spend my time chasing the kiddos around or entertaining them. It almost as if this is my way of avoiding interaction with the older people. I am absolutely scared to death, and intimidated by my godly brothers and sisters. Its so much easier for me to go and love on these little guys then it is to have a grown up conversation. I am sometimes even fearful of this! I am so afraid I don't have much to offer to the grown up world.
But by God's grace, HE is using my relationships with these kids to bring me into relationship with their parents. I have slowly met and gotten to know so many women at LHBC just by serving their kids. Just simple things like telling Mommy how cute or good their kid was has opened doors for me!
And another huge deal for me is Christian Men. I haven't grown up around many of these. Its still so hard for me to be "real" with men, even those older than me (father like figures). The whole concept is still so new to me and I find myself clamming up. I feel uncomfortable and I cant explain it. Mark Henry and Howard Tipton are two examples of this. I have had both of their wives as amazing mentors and could really talk about stuff with them, but when it comes to their husbands ... i just don't know what happens. Both of these men are AMAZING men who I have seen counsel a many of people (even girls my age) but I don't feel like I can talk to them. Why is that? Why am I so scared to trust men? My Dad was (and still is) a wonderful father to me. I haven't been abandoned or hurt by men in my past. How do I get past this? How do I learn to depend on men just as much as I do women? Any advice?
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1 comment:
One way is to just do it. The old Nike ad! You will have to just step out there, trusting that God has got your back, and that whatever those men say - or anyone - does not validate who you are or are not. Don't look for acceptance from them, just talk with the purpose of getting to know them and letting them get to know you, or with the purpose of seeking godly wisdom. I have to believe that any fear of talking to another person is simply a fear of rejection. I say "simple," but I know it's not. Kids accept people so openly, and they're so fun, so I can see why you gravitate to them. When you are in a group of people, like at the college campout, just literally start by going over to meet someone you see by themselves or in a group of two, and just have the purpose of telling them your name and welcoming them. No other agenda. Then move to another group. It will get easier and easier and easier. The same goes for talking with men. Once you open up to one of them, I believe you'll find the benefit so great that it will encourage you to do it again. It's very much like obeying God. Once you follow something He's telling you to do and realize the freedom in obedience, it encourages you the next time He tells you to do something. Just step out and trust. I think you have a whole new world just waiting for you!!!
Love you,
Melodi
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