Looking for the next milestone...

Isn’t is funny how we always to look forward to the milestones and swear things will be different, better? We say, oh once I graduate from high school and move away then I will become more responsible, then I will be really happy, that’s when life really starts!
College came and went. I kept reassuring myself that once I graduated from A&M I would have the time to love and serve the Lord! As soon as I become a "grown up" I would be a better person.
Well 4 or 5 or in my case 6 years later, I am still makin excuses! I’m still not doing what I am supposed to. I make excuses and have pity parties! Poor little me! Ha! And even as I write this, I can tell you just this week I found myself thinking … once I get married, my life will finally make sense, I will finally be loved and matter! Things wills finally be right! I will finally be happy. And once I have kids, I will really be important!
I keep trying in each stage of my life to fill that void, that emptiness that keeps me awake at nights. Wll, I graduated and have a full time job. Now I think maybe teaching will make me happy! Maybe I should work for A&M. Maybe I should move and try and start over for myself! I am so indecisive and impatient! I need help ... I need Jesus!!!