Cutting the Flesh

Wow church today was AMAZING! This has been a stressful, long week! But I know that God was speaking to me today! I have been fighting it! It was not what I wanted to hear ... through a skit at church last week and the message this week, I feel it is clear what I am to do!

I have been in a relationship that is NOT healthy! Emotionally, it has been a roller coaster of ups and downs and confusion and hurt and happiness! But looking back I see that it is not a relationship that in and of itself blesses my Father! It is for sure something that has distracted my from my relationship with the Lord. I was reminded today though, that I can REPENT right now and turn back to God and HE will be there waiting patiently for me! The silence I have been experiencing and dryness I have suffered will hopefully be better now! I KNOW that I have to cut the flesh in this area of my life! I have to get right with God!

And even though there was no "real" relationship ... it seems almost like a breakup! I feel like a loser! Its just like the skit was saying! I have let the culture define me! I feel like I am not good enough, not pretty enough, kinda like I hate myself! AUGH!!! I know this boy does NOT define me! I KNOW that! But I felt regret, stupid, condemnation for being deceived about his feelings!Why does it have to be so hard?

I know why! Because I WAS DECEIVED! I was not walking in the truth! I was listening (with my ears ... stupid music ... and heart) to emotions and feelings and people who told me what me itchy ears wanted to hear! I was living in the world and NOT according to the WORD! Ouch! So now I sit here suffering the consequences of my disobedience!