Changes

Ok this has been one very tough, trying week for me ... and its only Tuesday! I have been praying for God to show me areas in my life where I am being disobedient AND relationships in my life that were not God centered. Wow after you beg long enough, it all starts to hit at once! I have seriously cried so much these past 3 days it is RIDICULOUS! But God is showing me things, so its ok! I'm getting clarity. This process of retraining myself is gonna be long and hard but I am so excited to know that I am doing it WITH God. Things in my life are changing and I have to quit resisting it! I am so scared to let things happen. It is time to start trusting GOD. I have started to realize just how much I rely on others and it makes me sick! I think this is why I have been so dissapointed and felt unloved and unneed these last few weeks. God wanted to BREAK me! He had to ... to make me see I am NOT looking to HIM for fulfillment 100% of time. He KNEW that one of my BIG sins was my people pleasing heart. He KNOWS, He has BROKEN me, and now I know He will RESTORE me. Don't get me wrong, I have a genuine heart for others. I just LOVE to LOVE on others. But sometimes, I have selfish motives! I know that sometimes I LOVE others so they will love me back, not because I want to be like Christ. When I stop and look at my selfish heart, I just can't believe it! I have just been wondering when my life got to be so screwed up, when did I start letting sin OVERTAKE my life. I am supposed to be a Christian, and sometimes my life does NOT reflect that. But hey I have decided that I am a work in progress. This may take time, it will take discipline and lots of talking with God. I just have to be patient so let Him work in my life, and be WILLING to change my ways. And guess what, just when I get one area of my life in order I am certain that God will just get to work on another area of my life. How great it is to have a God who is always at work in our lives.