Fix me!

Sometimes I am just too sensitive for my own good. I don’t mean to be. I am glad that I am so passionate about people, but I think I have taken it too far. I get my feelings hurt so easily and take what people say to heart. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I don’t know how to fix it, how to fix me. I have found myself to be quite the bitter, angry 23 year old. And what do I have to be bitter about?!? I have a great family who have always supported me and am blessed to be at such an amazing university. I don’t have any physical defects that cause my life to be any harder than most peoples. So then why do I find myself in this whirlwind of anger and self-pity? I just don’t get it. Satan has done such a number on me. He has pushed and pushed, fed me lie after lie and somewhere along the way I have bought into him. Somehow I let him convince me that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, for any person of this world to love, much less for GOD to love me! We girls have been told time after time, by friends and family and even God’s word, that we are all those things and so much more. So why is it so easy for us to buy into this world’s ideas? It is so frustrating for me. Maybe I am having to go through this difficult time because God knows I look to much to people for my happiness. He knows how bad I desire to have their approval, their love. God knows that I sometimes (quite frequently actually) put people in my life over Him. And sometimes I think it would just be easier if He just took all the people out of my life. I have faith though that with God’s help I can beat this. I don’t believe that He wants me isolated and alone. He can do amazing things in my life, if I will just let go and give it to Him. I guess I have just been too stubborn. Things are getting to the point now though where I realize I don’t have a choice. Now matter how hard I try I can’t do it, not in the flesh. I am completely broken and know that nothing else I try will work. I HAVE to put all my faith in Jesus Christ and let Him work in ways that I can’t even imagine.
On a side note I have really been hit with the fact that one reason I am so unhappy is because of ME. I know there are people in my life that God has placed around me to LOVE me. But I don’t know what my deal is. I just push them away. I don’t want to let anyone get too close. I think I am afraid of letting anything good to happen to me. If that makes any sense at all? I pull away from the ones who WANT in my life and try to get the approval of people who could really care less if they only saw me once a month. I think I know that and it just seems safer to pursue those friendships that I know will be one sided and surface level. I don’t have it figured out. I pretty much have nothing figured out. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!