Yea for more great weather! And praise the Lord for meeting new people everyday! Its going good, and I am slowly getting my energy and strength back! WHOOP! Oh yea and praise Jesus for my crazy sister! Someone tied some HAPPY BIRTHDAY balloons on her car, so she crossed off happy bday with a marker and wrote "FEEL BETTER SOON LOVE SCOOBY AND TICA"(our animals...) and gave them to me! CRAZY but gotta love her!

Yea for the amazing weather today! Nothing like the sun and wind to remind you of Gods greatness! And what about a one hour phone call with a friend I havent had time to catch up with!!! Yea! Thank you Jesus for my giving me a nice warm bed to cuddle up into tonight!!!

I just have to say that I love the Lord with all my heart! Its my desire to please Him and to bring Him honor and glory. I dont stop to blog about the blessings near enough. I dont stop to tell people near enough about the blessings God has bestown on me. But the minute things are scary or bad here I am. Well thats gonna change NOW! I have got to be more thankful and more appreciative of ALL things Christ does. So its my goal to blog at least every other day! It wont always be a long insightful one, but I will start sharing the blessings, the answered prayers, the little things that put a smile on my face. And feel free to share with me the ways God blesses your life. We , at least I do, need to realize even the "little" things are gifts from God. I think we get caught up and just take things for granted! So my new plan: STOP and SMELL THE FLOWERS! I am given lots of chances at work when people ask me why I am so happy, but I just reply its a good day or something like that. The new me desires to take advantage of the little moments and say Im happy cause JESUS loves me, or cause God has blessed me again; giving God the credit! So I challenge you brothers and sisters; be different, be bold, be real!

Intimacy I wanna know you Jesus intamitaly
You are my refuge
I want intimicay
Apart from you I have nothing good.

Intimacy is something we crave. Im not talking about sex here. I am talking about our desire to be relational, to be close with people. We were created this way. God gave us this desire so that we could join together and be in this life together. So why do I feel so bad about this desire of mine? Why cant I have this desire met by a few surface level friendships? Why cant I just get that guy to love me and we can grow old together and love the Lord together! My priorities are all screwed up thats why!!! I know its a horrible sin to flirt with. But recently through a friend speakin truth into my life just by sharing some hard stuff that shes been dealing with has openned my eyes! A girl who I like, but never really have been close with confided in me about a similar issue going on in her own relationship. Talk about God using other people! We both were able to share and relate to each other in a way I never imagined possible. Its amazing how much being open, real, scared, vulnerable with others can bring God honor.
So with that being said please if anyone even reads this pray for me. Pray that I can let God have the dersires of my heart ... ALL of them! And just trust Him with the results. With God on my side I KNOW that nothing is impossible!!! NOTHING!
As its starting to hit me that I will be graduating soon, all the fear is coming at me. God tell us not to fear, He has a plan. Its just really really scary for me to have no clue where He is taking me. I know its gonna be amazing and that I just have to be patient and let Him be Lord. I admit I have failed here, and continue to everyday, and am now just really living in defeat right now. I am afraid I will be a dissapointment to my parents with my job, Im afraid I will never find a man to love me, afriad I will never get to have my very own babies, afraid I will miss Gods calling for me, afraid I am all alone, afraid!!!
Thats alot of fear and until you just put it out there you dont realize how much that fear affects your life to the very core! This blog seemed to have detoured from what I was gonna talk about. Hmmm... Im sure there was a reason this all came out instead. I trust that God is right here with me and knows who (if anyone) reads this and maybe this is something you needed to hear, to know you aren't alone. So I am sorry this blog didnt really flow, but that cool. It feels nice to have those things off my chest.
But now i am getting really sleppy, I thinks its all the meds Im taking. Anyways, me and my horrile cough and uvulitis are going to bed!!!

Sick and Tired...

Whew! Can I just say how stinkin sick and tired I am of tryin to please everyone else. It seems the harder I try to make everyone else happy the more I fail and the more unhappy I become! Well I cant do it anymore. I have to stop tryin and just let God do whatever He wants in these relationships. I am not doing anyone any favors by turning myself inside out to please them. I am just miserable and unhappy and its got to come to an end. I confess this as sin in my life and pray that God will change my heart and mind and attitude. I pray that I can still be selfless but without the motivation of pleasing people. I want to be Gods hands and feet in whatever way He asks me to. And if Gods plans dont line up with pleasing the people in my life, well they will just have to understand or continue to be mad at me. Life's too short to worry about making people mad. As long as my eyes are focused on Christ the little stuff just wont matter. Not to say it wont still be there, but I can choose to not let it effect me.I know that God has great things for me and wants to use me and I get so mad at myself when I see how much time I put into pleasing others instead of doing God's will. I dont think its Gods will for me to please people, but to LOVE them. I have to understand that loving them isnt always gonna look the way I think it should. Anyways this was just something thats been on my heart and I wanted to put it out there!