On the right path

Well I had my first comment on here ... very fun! Thanks Mrs. P! Anyways, life is going pretty great right now. I am so busy that I don't really have much time for myself. So I had my first mentor meeting. It was GREAT. I just love Michelle already (and her 4 beautiful children). It was really fun and emotional. We were told on Sunday that these women who will mentor us were told to dig deep, be transparent with us, and make us do the same with them. That’s not really something I am comfortable with. But you know what, I don’t have a choice. In order to be free from our addictions or sins we must confess them. So I opened up to this woman who I have known for 20 minutes about things that some (most actually) of my friends don't even know! It was the scariest thing I have had to do. There were tears and hugs ... it was great and sooo freeing! I learned so much from her in this afternoon! And I know I will be a better woman after spending this semester with her!In other news I'm working at Champions after school program with the kiddos on Monday, Wed, and Friday. I have to get my CPR and First Aid training tomorrow, maybe I could save your life one day. My job is pretty fun and also makes me glad I don’t have any of my own right now! Haha! I am lookin for a Tuesday/Thursday job. If you know of one ... please let me know.I am takin a self defense class this semester, which has proven to be quite fun. I can't wait to get attacked so I can defend myself... haha! If you see me walkin on campus try to attack me! I can practice my self defense on you THEN I can practice my CPR/First Aid on you! Sound fun?!?Anyways, I guess that’s it ... for now! I should really hit the books! Leave me some love...

Plastic people

So I was talkin to a friend the other day and he asked what I did the night before. I said nothing exciting; just went to eat and then covered up all my grey hairs. To this he jokingly replied "girls spend way to much time tryin to cover things up". But it was a really good point, and it kinda stung. Not just girls in general, but Christians, thats what we do. We try so hard to cover our imperfections and make ourselves "pretty" in the eyes of the world. If I am truly honest with myself I have a bad habit of this! How hard I try to look like I have it all together! Like Bethany Dillon's song says
Crying myself to sleep'cause I can not keep their attention
Thought I could be strong,but it's killing me
I wanna be beautiful,make you stand in awe
look inside my heart and be amazed
I want to hear you say,who I am is quite enough
Just wanna be worthy of love and beautiful...
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Well I KNOW what is missing; God! I always seem to leave him out of the equation then when I try to sovle the problems of my life I can't seem to get it right! Well DUH! I cant do it on my own so I need to stop pretending I can. I AM a SINNER, I DO have STRUGGLES, and I need to start being real. Please have the guts and love me enough to call me out when I am acting all tough AND when I am sinning. Im beggin for your help. If I get mad, I WILL get over it and in the end I will THANK you for loving me enough to call me out. I will end with a convicting line from Casting Crown's song "Stained Glass Masquerade"
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain

If they only knew...

I've really been thinkin about things a lot more than usual. I have these moments where things get so overwhelming (well my emotions at least) and it just all comes spilling out into a poem. So thats what I am gonna share today. I have a disclaimer though. I am NOT a good poet, and I HATE sharing with other people. So please dont judge this, just listen to what it says. Thanks so much and hope you have a blessed day!

If they only knew…
So many people in one single place
If anyone looks, I put that smile on my face
I look like an ordinary girl on the outside,
What would they think if they knew the thoughts in my mind?
The things that cross my mind; and oh how have I have lied
If they knew the truth would they still be by my side?
I deal with anger, self conscious, and jealousy too
What would they think if they only knew…
I’m a simple girl screaming for attention and love
Looking for it everywhere, except from the Heavens above.
Making myself miserable, just to please everyone around
Tears stream down my face as my body falls to the ground.
This obsession that I have is like a disease
Make everyone happy; let them treat me as they please
When I am with them, I still feel all alone
Empty inside but I don’t let out a moan
It seems as though no one really cares
Everyone is too wrapped up in their own affairs
I have time to listen to how their life’s gone wrong
But to listen to me, would just takes too long
The reliable friend they know they can call
And sometimes I wonder do they know me at all?

I love Spring

Well it's Friday! YEA. I just love the Spring Semester! So many activities and things going on, the weather is amazing, Spring Break, Easter, baseball games; so much fun. I have a bad habit of becoming so consumed with my schedule that I don't really take the time to just stop and be amazed by all that God has created. WOW. He is so good and how often I get caught up in the stress and my own world and just forget.
Last night was the first night of Hope Group. The people there are all really nice. But it’s a little intimidating because of all the knowledge these people possess. I just have to remind myself that I am who I am and that God made me this way for his purpose. I’m really tryin to open myself up more to people. I REALLY LOVE loving on other people and encouraging them. But I seem to always shut myself off to them. I don't let people into my comfort zone. I think I am almost afraid to let anything good happen to me; if that makes any sense. I don't like for them to see the "real" me. God is just really workin on my heart about this. I know that I need to share my fears, and sins, and what I have overcome. Luke 8:39 instructs us to "return home and tell how much God has done for you". That is very convicting to me because I know I can talk all day about just about anything but how often do I PRAISE God to other people?!? Ouch. So I have decided to start small; I am going to try my best to open up more with people in my sphere of influence. I am involved in many relationships where I have the support and possibility to open up, such as Hope Group, Covenant Group, my bible study class, study groups. I have been on deck for long enough; God has called me to step up to the plate. So please ask me REAL questions, push me to be more, help me grow and I will do the same for you. Have a great weekend!

Getting it Right!

This is all kinda new to me. I always said that I would NEVER make one of these blog things. But I couldn't sleep tonight so I decided at 6:15 I wasn't gonna get any sleep so I wanted to journal. After writing in my private journal I just thought maybe I should share my life with anyone out there who will be semi-interested. I will prolly NOT be good at this. I have a hard time expressing myself and don't really like people to know what’s going on in this head of mine. But I will give it a try!!! I have just started "The Excellent Wife" bible study at church. I think this is gonna spark a great time of learning and giving and growing. The girls in my class just seem so real and to have a sincere desire and love for Jesus Christ. I think this will be an emotional class, but in a good way. So many girls have already opened up and I can really relate to them, I just didn't have the guts to say it. I hope to grow closer to God through this. A major benefit of this class is getting a mentor. It is clear in scripture that older women are to be teaching the younger ones. I’m really excited about this! Hopefully I will build the confidence to do my part and mentor to the girls who are younger than me (youth age). But, I have defiantly been drifting from Him and its time for me to get REAL. God has really been showing me areas of my life that need to change. And tonight at Breakaway Ben said that truly walkin with God will COST. But I am ready to pay the price. Things are going to need to be reprioritized, some friendships that aren't healthy are going to have to be cut off, and I am going to have to give up some habits of mine. It's really scary but I am ready! I don't want this world anymore or the things it has to offer. I put my complete faith and trust into Him and I know things will work out for me. I have been reading through 1 John the last few nights. WOW. Sometimes we get so wrapped up and forget what this life is about and why we are here. So as the new semester gets going and everyone gets caught up in the busyness that life brings just remember to take some time for Him.